I Am a Maker.

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The rant below, which I’m copying from a recent post on Facebook, is essentially about the label “Steampunk”. But it also applies to so very many of the other hobbies/communities I’ve participated in over the past few years. Indie/Hippie/Narrative/Story roleplaying games. Podcasting. And oh, dear gods, Religion. Freakin’ identity politics. “I’m in, you’re out.”; “I define this, and you don’t fit.”

I’m really pretty tired of trying to fit somebody else’s labels. I’m tired of putting effort into trying to get other people to bless my fun, my beliefs, and my worldview as “valid”.

Now I must admit, there is plenty of recorded and written evidence out there that proves I’ve pulled this very crap on people myself. I’m guilty. And I apologize. If I’ve done it to you or in reference to something you love – if I’ve shat on your thing merely because it’s not my thing, please forgive me. But I’m still tired of it. I wanna be done with it. I wanna put energy into MAKING, and stop wasting energy on UNMAKING, whether it is my own or someone else’s.

I realize that there is value in cleverly pointing out and calling out that some folks do stuff just to ride a wave so they can make a buck or get some attention. I realize there is crappy art that is done for gain and not for love. I realize there are lots of people who are “just gluing gears onto stuff and calling it Steampunk”, and those things deserve to be called out.

I also realize that labels need to exist.

But geez, can we stop shitting on things with such broad strokes?

Anyway, here’s my Facebook rant. Somewhere in there, it almost feels like a mini-manifesto. Maybe I should nurture it into one, I dunno:

While this vid is well made, hilarious, and admittedly a worthwhile nose-tweak to folks who are just riding a wave of popularity with the use of the word “Steampunk”, I’m really getting tired of self-appointed gatekeepers playing identity politics trying to keep other folks out of their own personal in-crowd. It happens in gaming, podcasting, religion, geek fandom, and just about everything else and i’m tired of it. Fine. Whatevs. I now choose to generally avoid labeling anything I create or write as Steampunk. I will do my art, even when it involves gluing gears onto stuff. I will write my stories, even when they don’t overtly involve a steam engine. I will make and wear my costumes and portray my personas, even if the fictional world they inhabit is not Victorian Britain. And I will enjoy it. And other people will enjoy it and value it and those who don’t, fine. I’m not here to worry about your labels and your gatekeeping. I’m here to be a maker.But still, the vid is really funny. :)

There’s No Back to Normal

4inthevoid

I  am stuck in the debilitating middle-void between going gently into that dark night and raging against the dying of the light.

Too tethered to this world, too scared, I don’t have the guts to stretch the cords to their breaking point and trust that the ones that truly matter won’t snap.

Maybe I’ll never embrace the quest … maybe it really is too late to kindle what’s lost within and set things ablaze with raging light. Maybe I’ll never muster the courage or invoke the resolve.

But that doesn’t mean I’m going back to playing at being gentle. That doesn’t mean I’ll smile with sparkly eyes and a false-face, playing the games I’m urged to play … no boat-rocking, no mud-slinging, stepping gently along the path of decency, order, moderation, and acceptance of the inevitable night.

No, there will be no “back to normal”.

No.

I Made a Custom Mug at Shutterfly & I’m Getting it Free!

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From Tumblr: Depression is Humiliating

quoted from adeptasororitas, originally on Tumblr. Totally tracks with my own experience:
“Depression is humiliating. It turns intelligent, kind people into zombies who can’t wash a dish or change their socks. It affects the ability to think clearly, to feel anything, to ascribe value to your children, your lifelong passions, your relative good fortune. It scoops out your normal healthy ability to cope with bad days and bad news, and replaces it with an unrecognizable sludge that finds no pleasure, no delight, no point in anything outside of bed. You alienate your friends because you can’t comport yourself socially, you risk your job because you can’t concentrate, you live in moderate squalor because you have no energy to stand up, let alone take out the garbage. You become pathetic and you know it. And you have no capacity to stop the downward plunge. You have no perspective, no emotional reserves, no faith that it will get better. So you feel guilty and ashamed of your inability to deal with life like a regular human, which exacerbates the depression and the isolation. Depression is humiliating. If you’ve never been depressed, thank your lucky stars and back off the folks who take a pill so they can make eye contact with the grocery store cashier. No one on earth would choose the nightmare of depression over an averagely turbulent normal life. It’s not an incapacity to cope with day to day living in the modern world. It’s an incapacity to function. At all. If you and your loved ones have been spared, every blessing to you. If depression has taken root in you or your loved ones, every blessing to you, too. Depression is humiliating. No one chooses it. No one deserves it. It runs in families, it ruins families. You cannot imagine what it takes to feign normalcy, to show up to work, to make a dentist appointment, to pay bills, to walk your dog, to return library books on time, to keep enough toilet paper on hand, when you are exerting most of your capacity on trying not to kill yourself. Depression is real. Just because you’ve never had it doesn’t make it imaginary. Compassion is also real. And a depressed person may cling desperately to it until they are out of the woods and they may remember your compassion for the rest of their lives as a force greater than their depression. Have a heart. Judge not lest ye be judged.

File this under “stuff you wanna believe but can’t…

File this under “stuff you wanna believe but can’t…

File this under “stuff you wanna believe but can’t seem to put into action”

The Cartographer’s Elixir

DSCN2291I perceive the world through a lens of imagination; story, myth, metaphor, narrative thematics… etc. Those of you who’ve known me for awhile are aware of this. You’ve put up with hundreds of podcasts and blog posts where I harped on about ‘mythic structure’, heroes journeys, Campbell, Jung, narrative roleplaying and all that stuff. It’s how I’m wired. It’s the primary way I make sense of things and find meaning and joy. So, for the past few years, I’ve been paying attention to how my boys have been developing in terms of imagination and metaphorical thinking. Liam the WildLion has been a natural from the get-go. He makes up stories on the fly, understands the meanings behind many expressions and even seems to intuitively see into the thematics behind various stories, albeit through a 5-year old’s brain. But Conor … to be honest I’ve worried about Conor. His way of ordering his world is meticulous, detailed, and very very literal. We call him the Cartographer for a reason. He loves to read and draw maps. He remembers roads, highway numbers and exit numbers, and directions to locations (even ones he’s never actually been to) as well as any GPS. He loves to read but usually when he talks about the things he reads, he describes the details and facts of the story rather than the themes and meanings. I’m not suggesting there’s anything wrong with this – far from it – but since it tends to differ from my way of seeing things I’ve worried that it might end up being a barrier of communication between us. I’ve worried that it’ll end up with us constantly talking past one another like a stereotypical scientist trying to discuss reality and existence with a religious mystic, or like a fundamentalist-literalist Christian throwing down with a postmodern theophile over whether Noah actually built an ark and whether or not it matters. But last night as I went in to say goodnight to Conor, something happened. He’d just been reading a book called “The Scrambled States of America”, which is a story where the states are personified as characters, some of whom get tired of being in one spot all the time and decide to have a party where all the states can mingle and get to know one another – after which they decide to switch places in order to have some new experiences. In the end though, they all go back to their original locations, but now with a renewed sense of appreciation, having had a bunch of new experiences and making new friends. In spite of the clever way the book is written, though, it’s main idea seems to be to teach kids facts and details about U.S. geography. I figured that’s what attracted Conor to it in the first place. But when I went in to say goodnight, Conor – with a wide grin – shut the book and set it on his bedside table, then looked up at me with a light in his eyes. And he said, “Dad, I really liked that book.  The states all switched places but then ended up back where they started, but they were happier than when they started because they made friends with the other states and traded stuff and learned about each other.” Mythic Journey 101, through the lens of an 8-year old. He gets it. And he can express it. Conor has the elixir and he shared it with me. I think my eyes misted over. What was I worried about?

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